4 Ideas for Making the Most out of Counseling (Even if You’re Nervous)
Contributed by Jacqueline Larraga
I’ve sat on both sides of the counseling room, and it’s easy to remember the jumble of emotions and thoughts that run through your head that first counseling session. Whether you are walking into the room or tapping on a Zoom link, everyone enters counseling with his or her own set of concerns, expectations, hopes, and questions. Some of the more familiar ones are…
Will I be understood?
Will this work?
And perhaps, scariest of all…What if it doesn’t?
While I can’t answer all those questions, as a counselor, I can do my best to address some of the underlying fears.
One of the initial ways I seek to do this is by inviting my counselees to fill out a personal background questionnaire before we meet. I used to say that having this document in hand before the first appointment helps us to “hit the ground running.” I’ve adjusted how I describe that because what it really means is that both counselor and counselee can take a deep breath at the start of a conversation and know that we aren’t beginning from the beginning. For many, putting some of their story on paper before an appointment helps bring clarity. And on my end, every time I receive this document from someone I will be meeting with for the first time, I read it prayerfully beforehand, asking God to help me understand well and be ready to listen compassionately.
As a counselor, I want to honor the investment a woman I meet with is making. I know that often it’s not easy to share your story and ask for help. I know that there is an investment of time and resources. Besides these, I know that the practicalities of finding childcare, making sure the iPad is charged, taking time off work, or finding a quiet place in your schedule (or house!) are real costs. A pressing question for many is, “How can I make the most of this opportunity?” Here are some suggestions I’ve learned along the way that you might consider.
1. Be committed to counseling. Come to each session with as hopeful and humble a posture as you can, seeking to learn how God wants to offer you direction and comfort.
2. Be as open and honest as you can. I realize that talking about hard places in your life might be difficult and that feeling comfortable can take time. I’m honored to hear what you are ready to share. But the more honest you can be, the better we will both see how God might want to speak into your life.
3. Be patient (with me, with yourself, and with the counseling process). No one’s problems develop in a day. It may take me several sessions to obtain a good understanding of your situation. Be patient with yourself. The change process is often slower than we hope it will be. I have certainly seen some real “aha!” moments and breakthroughs happen early on in counseling conversations. But the truth of the matter is, growth will often be incremental. It is not accidental that Scripture uses agricultural and construction metaphors to emphasize gradual growth and progress over time. But, take heart! Jesus has promised to finish what he starts, and counseling is one way to see him fulfilling that promise.
4. Complete any growth assignments given, and review and pray over the matters discussed during previous sessions. Towards this end, it might be helpful if you bring a notepad to write down things you want to remember in between sessions. I’ve had other counselees send themselves a text message during a session, recording something they don’t want to forget. On occasion I will give assignments aimed at undergirding counseling goals to be completed between sessions. In my counseling conversations, I finish by helping you identify at least one way we can ask God to help you in the circumstances you are facing. You can use this request to help direct your prayers for yourself in seeking God’s wisdom and provision in the counseling process.
Though our problems often feel insurmountable, our help comes “from the maker of heaven and earth” (Psalm 121:2). Jesus Christ knows and cares about every personal and relational struggle we face. He always works through his word, through his people, through his indwelling Holy Spirit, and through the power of the gospel of Christ. And sometimes, he chooses to use counseling (and the steps we take to make the most of it) to do that work too.